Dear tom y

The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Men is a fantastic resource that is the complete, step-by-step guide to anal sex for all men.
There is a whole chapter dedicated to hygiene and diet. Another chapter talks about the use of lubricants, you don't mention whether you have used lubricant in your adventures, so I would recommend you take a look at Lubexxx which is a silicone/water based lubricant.
And as the book says, relaxation, patience and trust are the most important psychological tools for insertive anal sex, while lube and latex are essential physical components of safe and pleasurable anal play.
An excellent new product to our range here in NZ is Innuendo, which is a natural herbal gel product that is used prior to and during anal intercourse. This does not replace lubricant, it should be used in conjuction to it. It will help to relax the muscles and make anal play more comfortable for you.

Dear help i think i'm too big

Anal penetration can being extremely pleasurable for both women and men. There is a high conentration of nerve endings anally and a full sensation can feel great. And for guys, stimulation of the male G-spot (prostate) can feel sensational. However the anal sphincter muscles are very strong and unless they are adequatly relaxed penetration can be painful. If your girlfriend has fear around anal sex being painful this will just add to the muscle tension. In order for the anal muscles to relax and penetration to be pleasurable a few basic techniques need to be followed. Lubricant, you can never have enough as the anal area is not self lubricating. Lube XXX is fantastic for anal play -its silicone and waterbased so feels natural but is super slipery and long lasting. Technique is very important. Allowing time for the muscles to relax before penetration is vital (about 10-30 secs) and if the muscles tense again you must pause and wait. Sometimes it can be a slow process... but once the muscles do relax penetration is not painful. It sounds as if your girlfriend enjoys anal play but is not able to relax the anal muscles enough to take your penis or a toy of similar size. One option is Innuendo which is an anal relaxant gel. Combined with great communication and good technique, this is a very effective product. Another way to relax the anal muscles is vibration. The Stubby is a high quality silicone vibe that is safe for anal play. A larger buttplug such as the Pearl may be an option and the Darling silione dildo has graduating ripples that get larger at the base...
The key is patience... even though you know it will feel fantastic to penetrate your girlfriend anally with your penis let go of this and focus entirely on her anal pleasure. If you give her the time without any pressure to learn to upsize in what she can take anally -when she welcomes you up her butt that will just be the bonus!

Dear x.o.xbabii_gurlx.o.x

Congratulations on having purchased a vibrator!

I'm not sure what type of vibrator you have, but generally most women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm and most vibrators fit the bill in this area. That is, they can be used for external stimulation as well in internal stimulation and some are designed for both at the same time! Also you don't mention whether you have used a good water based lubricant such as /products/lubricants/waterbased/1101.php">Probe with your vibrator. Lubrication enables you to have longer and harder sex play and is essential for use with sex toys.

Orgasms come in all shapes and sizes, just like people really, but it sounds as if you may have almost reached climax and that was it! Masturbation is an excellent way of finding out how your own body reacts to different types of stimulation and a vibrator is just an extension of that, but probably provides more intense, constant stimulation. It is important that you do not see this as a failure, but just a stone in the road that has delayed your journey to the big O. And if you take the time to 'discover' yourself and not rush into it with orgasm as your sole focus, you will probably find it an enjoyable learning experience.
Purr Gel can help promote responsiveness and might just help you take that step up the hill to your journey's final pinnacle....best of luck!

Dear asiangirls

Sorry, but we do not offer contact boards on our website or in our stores.
There are a few NZ publications where you could do this, I would suggest you check out the 'adult' section of your local book/lotto store or an adult store that provides pornographic magazines and the like. Or do an internet search for adult clubs.

Dear ArGat

You need to be at least 18yrs of age to receive money in exchange for sex and you should check out further information via the Prostitution Reform Bill. You could do an internet search for your local BDSM group who will be able to advise you on how to play in a respectful and safe way. Or contact your local branch of the Prostitutes Collective, they will probably be able to steer you in the right direction.

Dear confused
It's perfectly normal and natural that getting to know each other sexually as a couple may take some time. Often we expect our partners to know exactly what we like and be able to pleasure us perfectly. However in reality getting to know both your self and your partner sexually is an ongoing procees. It's really important to be able to talk with each other, to communicate what you like and if you don't know then you will have fun discovering together. Its sounds as if you are both feeling some pressure and stress around sex and that is affecting your enjoyment. Most women tend to need direct stimulation of the clitoris in order to orgasm. You don't mention if you are able to orgasm by yourself or through oral stimulation or a vibrator. Women have very different sexual responses to guys and so its important you get to know yourself and communicate so you needs are met. It sounds as if your boyfriend is experiencing erection issues due to lack of confidence and its likely it will be an emotional cause rather than physical.
Sex is an adults oppportunity to play and is meant to be enjoyable and fun. We are expected to be sexual experts but in fact this takes time and the most important thing is good communication. I suggest you read the sex info section, and focus on having fun and learning together. Using lube is always a great idea, Probe is a fantastic natural feeling lubricant...
Relax and have some fun with your partner... take the plunge and start talking about sex. If he ejaculates quickly there are still lots of different ways you can pleasure each other. Enjoy!

Dear Mex
There is a great chapter in Jane Wisemans Erotic Bondage Handbook about cock & ball bondage. It contains a lot of tips on technique, factual information and some excellent pictures. It is of course important to use correct bondage techniques to ensure saftey as the male genitals are a sensitive area and can be easily damaged. This book is not currently in stock on the website but there is a copy in stock in our Ponsonby Rd shop in Auckland. If you're local perhaps you'd like to pop in or if not you can always purchase the book by mail order by phoning the Ponsonby shop on 09 376 5599 or email at auckland-shop@dvice.co.nz
Happy cock bondage!

Dear Shazza
D.VICE advice is set up so we can only answer questions on the site so i hope this information finds its way to you.
Getting to know yourself sexually is a lifelong journey. The more time you spend getting to know yourself sexually and what you like and enjoy the more able you will be to communicate this to your sexual partner. We often expect our sexual partners to be sexperts but in reality many people are very uninformed about sex. Women have very different sexual repsonses to guys and it often takes guys a while to realise this. Most women require direct stimulation of the clitoris to orgasm and many women do not orgasm during penetration. This is perfectly normal and natural.
If you are able to orgasm when pleasuring yourself the trick is to communicate this to your partner. Often its hard to let go if you are stressed or worried about being able to orgasm... communication is the way to build trust so you can feel safe.
Guys sexual responses are much faster -particularly for younger guys.
Most women require some dedicated focused time on just their pleasure... such as oral stimulation. I would make sure you are using Lubricant during love making as it just makes things a lot smoother and more pleasurable. Probe Silky Light is a fantastic natural lube to try.
Read the Sex Info section as there may be some tips in there and remember that sex is your opportunity as an adult to play. Sex is about fun and pleasure... and the great thing is there is always something new and pleasurable to learn...

Dear texy
I would not reccomend using household objects for sexual self pleasure. You may want to look at investing in some sex toys. These are specifically designed for sexual use so you know they are safe. I suggest you read up in the Sex Info Section and treat yourself to a toy to play with.

Dear Frustratttt
It's fantastic you have such a healthy libido and are so attracted to your man. However at the moment it sounds as if he has a few issues coming up that need to be dealt with. This may require some patience and restraint on your part so to alleviate any frustration I would take responsibility for your own sexual needs. Invest is a gorgeous vibrator and have some satisfying self pleasure. A very popular model is the G Twist which has fantatsic vibration and is excellent quality. Even though i know you want to be sharing pleasure with your man right now, initially taking the pressure off may be helpful.
I would reccommend he visit a Doctor to check if there is any physical issue in relation to his foreskin. He may have some emotional trauma from this childhood experinece that is affecting him and if so it would be beneficial for him to see a qualified counsellor.
Of course your sexual needs are very important and its not ok that he rejects you whenever you intiate sex. This does indicate he is feeling sexually disempowered in some way and has the need to be in control and be the initiator.
Even though its hard to discuss, the way this will be resolved is for you to both committ some time to discuss this frankly. Try to do so in a positive and affirming way. Great communication is the key to great sex and to a healthy ongoing relationship. It's worth taking the risk and the payoffs for having this kind of clear communication in your relationship srae huge.
Remember sex is about fun and being playful with each other and also about intimacy and feeling close togther.
You need your sexual needs met and to be listened to... but be patient and do so gently. Guys have a lot of ego tied up with sexuality so be affirming...
Menawhile enjoy your new toy and hopefully soon he will be ready to share this with you too!

Dear biboy
There are some fantastic toys available for anal play. I recommend you purchase a silicone dildo and harness for you and your partner to play with. The Garter harness is excellent for riding as it is designed to strap onto the thigh. It can also be strappped onto the back or front so is very versatile. Check out the dildo range and choose a size and style that excites you. Both Toa and Babe are very piopular for anal play or you may prefer Mister or Boss for a more represenational look. For self pleasure (and for play with your partner) a popular favourite is the Serpentine. This is amazing for G-spot stimulation (both male and female)...
If you enjoy vibration the Stubby vibe is German designed and an excellent choice.
If you feel inspired to peruse some text then The Ultimate guide to anal sex for men and the Ultimate guide to strap on sex are both excellent. Remember to always use lots of lube for anal play -Lube XXX is a ombination of waterbased and silicone based and very smooth.
Have fun on your anal pleasure adventure!

Dear uhhhhhhh
We do not reccommend using household objects for anal play. I suggest you look at investing in a quality anal toy such as a silicone buttplug
or stubby vibrator.
Always use a lubricant such as Lube XXX or Probe for anal play and check out the information on anal pleasure in the sex info section.

Dear desired13
Many women find it challenging to orgasm with their partner. Women have very different sexual responses to guys and its often hard to communicate to our partners what we like. Most women need direct stimulation of the clitoris in order to orgasm and many women are not able to orgasm during intercourse. Its perfectly normal and natural. You don't mention if you are able to orgasm by yourself. The more you know yourself sexually the better equipped you are to communicate what you enjoy to your partner. Its often hard to talk about as guys have a lot of ego around sex and often find it hard to hear you would like to try something different. However you totally deserve to have your sexual needs met. An essential thing to introduce into your lovemaking is Lubricant. Even though you are very aroused and wet, using lube just makes things smoother and more pleasurable. Probe Silky Light is a fantastic natural lube, or you could try Lube XXX which is silicone and waterbased. It's supersmooth and very long lasting. Are you able to orgasm from oral stimulation or if he caresses and touches your clitoris without penetration. Have you tried stimulation with vibrator. A vibe that is great for clitoral stimulation AND that can be used together is the Naughty Bunny or the Wild Boy. These can both be worn on the penis if desired to give extra clitoral stimulation during peneration. Another option is to try Purr Gel. This is a clitoral arousal gel which allows you to get more aroused and means you are more likely to orgasm. Just rememeber you are a fantastic lover too and that sex is about fun and sharing pleasure. If you are stressed or worried about being able to orgasm this will only make it more difficult. Talk with your partner and make sure you are both having funsexualy and being intimate and loving... if he is really a great lover he will be able to put his own sexual needs aside and focus on yours... its a learning curve for both of you. And remember that sex is a life long adventure...

Dear Geoff
Many heterosexual guys enjoy anal pleasure with their wives and female partners. Anal stimulation can be very pleasurable for men of all sexualitites and the male g-spot (stimulation of the prostate) is accessed anally. When you're discussing any sexual fantasty or if you are initiating the introduction of a new sexual adventure to your relationship, clear communication is always the key. Many misconceptions abound in relation to anal pleasure -such as that men who enjoy anal play must be gay. This is not based on fact as many het men enjoy anal pleasure. Misconceptions such as this can create fear and misunderstanding. I would be very affirming of your wife and your relationship in your communication and go slowly. Make sure she understands this is something you want to share with her and you trust her enough to talk with her about it. I suggest reading The Ultimate Guide Anal Sex for Men which has lots of great information and also The Ultimate Guide to Strap On Sex. Check out the great range of silicone dildos and harnesses and of course lubricant. If your wife is not interested in exploring this with you I reccomend purchasing a dildo yourself and indulging in some self exploration...all the best for your journey into anal pleasure.

Dear Lovely
Check out the anal sex information in the Sex Info section of the website.
Anal play is often very pleasurable for both women and men, (guys have a g spot anally). The most importanat thing is to use a quality lubricant. Lube XXX is a great option as it is very smooth and long lasting. Go slowly to allow the anal muscles to relax and good communication with your partner is also very important.
Starting off with a smaller Buttplug such as the Pendant or Jewel is a good idea and experiment yourself so you can then communicate to your partner what you enjoy.
The Ultimate Guide to Anal sex for Women and The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Men are both excellent resources packed with information. Also check out the other Anal sex D.VICE advice questions and answers for more tips.
Enjoy your anal pleasure journey!