D.VICE Sex Q & A. My husband is keen for me to do him with a strap-on - any tips?

Posted by D.VICE Sexpert on

Dear D.VICE Advice,

My husband is keen to try anal (me doing him with a strap-on) but is a little worried that doing anal might stretch him too much there and cause damage? Is this true? Can you recommend a beginner’s strap-on?

From 1st-timer

Dear 1st-timer

There are a lot of taboos around anal sex

It is a common misconception that engaging in anal sex causes damage to the anus and rectum. There are many fears and taboos about anal sex – such as that it is painful or will cause health issues like incontinence. If anal play including penetration and anal ‘intercourse’ is practiced safely, the anal area will not be damaged at all. In fact becoming more aware of the sphincter muscles, how to relax and exercise these muscles, actually enhances anal health.
Many cultures have practiced stimulation of the prostate (male g-spot) to enhance reproductive health, and it is suggested that that regular prostate 'milking'  may prevent prostate cancer.

 As with any sexual practice, there is potential if practiced unsafely for it to cause both physical and emotional damage. The rectum is flexible and the sphincter muscles are able to relax easily however damage can be caused through activity that was overly rough, non-consensual or not using correct technique.

The anus is associated with elimination and it can be challenging to get your head around seeing this as an appealing sexual activity. There is sometimes a reasonable fear of the poo factor and not being sure how you might react, on top of the fear of causing harm. However as you are considering what strap-on to start with it looks like you are well on the way to fulfilling your husband’s strap-on desires.

Many men love the surrendering of control to their partner and find the experience deeply emotional, others simply enjoy the mind blowing sensation of prostate massage and find a whole new range of sexual pleasures are open to them.

If he is new to anal start slow and small

If he has not experienced any anal penetration before, we recommend starting small and slow. A silicone butt plug or a finger (popped into a condom or latex or vinyl glove) the plenty of lube and combined with other stimulation such as a hand or blow job can be a great place to start.

Always use plenty of lubricant for anal play as the wall of the rectum is sensitive and the area is not self-lubricating. LubeXXX is an excellent hypo-allergenic lube that is long lasting.

With a finger you can stimulate his prostate too which can be very intense and pleasurable.

Once he has got the hang of anal penetration it can be a good time to introduce a strap-on

You can then increase the size of the toy or add 2-3 fingers so he can experience greater penetration. If he still enjoys the sensation or has already had some experience, then this is a good time to introduce a dildo with strap-on harness for some ‘bend-over boyfriend.’

The most important element of strap-on play is the size of the dildo. I recommend getting your husband to choose a size that he thinks he can handle. The most popular sizes for beginners for strap-on anal play are Siren and Babe. These are both slim and smooth 100% silicone dildos (made by D.VICE). For a low cost option you can start with the Beginner’s Strap-on kit. This includes a comfortable and adjustable harness, a Siren dildo (125 x 34mm) and a bottle of Probe water-based lubricant.

Alternatively you can select from any of the leather and non-leather strap-on’s (front action style) and a dildo size that suits.
All D.VICE made harnesses are comfortable, adjustable and easy to operate. Leather looks super sexy and will last the longest.

There is a great ‘how to’ DVD called the Expert Guide to Pegging. Real people having real strap-on sex under the guidance of an instructor, informative and sexy. This is really helpful to get ideas around sex positions that will brig him the most pleasure and how to manage the poo factor.

Some other tips for anal fun;

  • There are some simple tips to reduce the poo factor including evacuating the bowels and douching
  • You could wear a We-Vibe 4 Plus underneath your strap on harness for extra sensation for you. This world famous couples toy would stimulate your clitoris and G-Spot and you can use it in lots of sex positions when he is inside you as well!
  • If he is finding the muscle spasm is interfering with penetration or pleasure, try Apronal, a natural muscle relaxant for anal play.This is not a numbing agent, the ingredients simple relax the muscles to allow for comfortable penetration.

Enjoy your strap-on adventures.

 


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