D.VICE Sex Q & A. Which vibrator is best for me?

Dear D.VICE Advice,

I have never been able to orgasm with a partner, despite having several partners, both women and men. I really want to learn to orgasm through vaginal sex and clit stimulation with fingers rather than rubbing a pillow against my clit which is the only way I am able to cum. I have a really supportive boyfriend and we love each other. I really want to be able to orgasm when I have sex with him. Can you recommend any vibrators that would stimulate me to orgasm and allow us to practice having an orgasm through penetration?

Thanks, Anon

Dear Anon,

The way you reach orgasm is a pretty popular technique and is called tribadism or frottage. You can also try rubbing yourself on your partner...any part that works ie thigh or penis, something many women do. With frottage you are stimulating the clitoris by a rubbing motion.

Direct clitoral stimulation is the way most women orgasm

Around 85% of women require direct clitoral stimulation in order to orgasm and few women orgasm through intercourse alone without some additional contact with the clitoris.

So there are a few different ways you could approach this.

Vibrators are effective in helping many women achieve orgasm

You could try a strong clitoral vibrator such as the We-Vibe Touch and see if this enables you to orgasm through clit stimulation. I recommend using lubricant as this also simulates more of a tongue like sensation. If you are able to orgasm with this powerful rechargeable vibrator, then you could combine your partner and his penis...hopping on top with the Touch stimulating your clit or kneeling against the bed while he enters you from behind are easy positions to hold the toy.

A Rabbit style vibrator such as the Royal Swan combines internal movement and vibration with a strong clit vibrator as well, this is a sex toy you can easily use alone or partner can use on you followed by intercourse.

The We-Vibe 4 plus is ideal for orgasm during intercourse

If you find one or both of these successful, I would recommend trying the We-vibe 4 Plus couples vibrator.This is a toy you wear during intercourse that stimulates both you and your partner and vibrates on the clit and g-spot. (It even has an app you can download so your boyfriend can turn you on even when he is out of town, at work, on the bus...you get the idea. The We-Vibe 4 Plus is great for encouraging you to try different sexual positions as positioning can also help with direct clitoral stimulation. We-Vibe aficionados have come up with at least 33 positions that you can use this toy in if you are flexible enough!

Other sex gear that can really help you to explore your orgasmic potential are lubricant - essential to any sex toy collection. Lube makes sex more comfortable and pleasurable and well as allowing you to have sex for longer. Many women require plenty of time to reach orgasm.

Purr clitoral arousal gel speeds up a woman's arousal process by drawing the blood to the clitoris and vulva. Many women find it easier to orgasm, it orgasm more than once and often have more intense orgasms. Purr gel can be combined with sex toys, oral play, intercourse and anal play and is a great companion product for improving orgasm potential.

There are some excellent 'how to' DVD's called the Expert Guides, real people having real sex under the guidance of a sex instructor. I would recommend the Expert Guide on Female Orgasm for tips on trips on expanding your orgasmic repertoire.

The journey to orgasm can be, as or more, fun and pleasurable than actual climax, so enjoy the journey as well as the outcome.