How the Body Wand changed my sex life -by an ex D.VICE staffer

How the Body Wand changed my sex life –by an ex D.VICE staffer

I’ve always found it hard to have an orgasm both when masturbating and having sex with a partner. There is a lot of stigma associated with not being able to orgasm easily & for years I felt like there was something wrong with me. Most guys I had sex with wouldn’t actually notice and the ones that did definitely gave me the feeling I was at fault. I hadn’t had a negative sexual experience or been abused which is the assumption many people made. I found out later that being a sexual abuse or assault survivor does not necessarily mean you will find it hard to orgasm. I felt pretty bad about not being this amazing orgasmic being I was led to believe all women were…so when I saw a sales assistant job advertised I sent in my CV thinking maybe the team at D.VICE might give me some tips. Talk about jumping in the deep end! After an intensive training period I was on the shop floor giving people information about sex and sex toys, and one thing I quickly realised was that I was not alone. Many customers shared about finding it hard to orgasm and I was able to give people advice, and send them away feeling empowered (& with lube and a sex toy!).

Being able to share my experiences with the D.VICE team really changed the way I approached being sexual and orgasmic. We are all individuals and respond in different ways to touch and stimulation during sex play. Most of us have limited information about sex growing up and most sex Ed is hetero-normative (from a heterosexual view point that normalises only heterosexual sex) and defines intercourse as ‘real’ sex and all other sexual activities as foreplay. I discovered that masturbation is really important as it’s the way we can discover what we enjoy sexually, what turns us on and what gets us off. I learnt that over 80% of women (or those humans with a clit) require direct clitoral stimulation in order to orgasm, and that some clits are super sensitive and others need more intense stimulation. Some people like penetration, some like anal, others love oral –we are all different and there is no one way to be sexually.

I also discovered that we often focus on orgasm as the goal of sex play, making sex goal orientated instead of just being present and enjoying ALL the play and intimacy with either ourselves or another person/s. I realised that I actually enjoyed sex, felt good about my body and didn’t need to orgasm for sex to be ok.  With that realisation under my belt I then discovered the Body Wand vibrator. I had tried out a few of the smaller clit focused vibrators and didn’t really enjoy the sensation. Whilst aesthetically something small, smooth and petite appealed to me I had to admit that I didn’t enjoy that kind of stimulation which was pretty disappointing. When I first saw the Body Wand I was instantly turned off by the size and the fact you plug it into the mains power. It seemed loud and super strong, and I couldn’t imagine how it would feel good. How wrong I was! When I thought about it the closest I’d been to orgasm was rubbing hard against something and I was able to do that with the Body Wand. The vibrations were deep and throbbing, not buzzy and tingly like the smaller vibes. The sensation felt incredible and having the entire area of the vulva stimulated not just the clit felt great. I learnt that the clit is not just the tiny bit that is outside the body but that it extends back internally and divides into two clitoral crura that go down either side of the labia. Playing with the Body Wand stimulates me to orgasm more easily and I use it both for masturbation and during sex play with my partner. I don’t always use it, and I still really enjoy sex without it. What it has done has really increase my confidence sexually. I feel strong enough to tell partners I like to use it to orgasm and have no shame doing this.

I was happy to do this write up for D.VICE when asked as I feel it’s really important that we share our stories and experiences. Our diversity as humans is amazing and we are all unique sexual beings. Be confident in what you like and explore new ways to experience pleasure…and the other thing I learnt at D.VICE is Always Use Lube!