D.VICE Sex Q & A. I need squirting advice!

Sex Q & A

Question. Squirter asks; 
My girlfriend squirts, a lot. I love being able to get her there, and she loves it.... I'm having a problem when she does it though and pushes my cock out. I'm also feeling insecure after she squirts because either i am getting smaller or she becomes looser. Tips, please?

D.VICE Sexpert replies; Thanks so much for your question. I think it brings to light an interesting point for consideration in relation to couples sex play. In a couple or sexual partnership each person brings their own ‘sexual picture’, made up of their own sexual and relationship experience, knowledge and understanding, personality and physical/emotional responses. When we put those ingredients together it can be the recipe for fun, pleasurable and satisfying sex play. We may have some sexual technique we have always wanted to try, or have one particular way that we are able to orgasm. Some of us may be adventurous and experimental and others set in our ways. Whatever our sexual pictures, sometimes as couples we have challenging times to ensure we are both fulfilled and empowered sexually together.

We often assume that our sexual beings will miraculously combine to create the perfect hot sexual experience, without us having to initiate any change or challenge each other. While this is the case for some couples, or for our initial sexual exchanges when we have less emotional attachment, most of us need to discuss our sex lives together and look at ways both our needs can be met, at some point in our relationships. I call it sexual inventory; when you check in with your partner, put your sexual ego to the side and talk openly and honestly about your sex lives. That may sound all a bit intense and like hard work, but I know for a fact that couples who are able to this usually end up having amazing sex lives long term.

Many women would love to experience female ejaculation. However some women are able to ejaculate ‘squirt’ naturally and easily without having to learn how. It’s fantastic that your girlfriend loves squirting and that you are able to get her there and share this with her. However it sounds as if her squirting is creating a problem for you, that is detracting from your pleasure and resulting in you feeling disempowered.

Let’s look at the facts –the process of female ejaculation does involve major contraction of the muscles in and around the vagina and pelvis. It’s usual for a woman to push out either their partner’s penis, hand/finger, dildo or other sex toy. During this process the ‘ejaculate’ squirts out from the paraurethral glands often in quite a projectile way. Some women produce a lot of liquid when they squirt, others only a little. For most women an orgasm which involves female ejaculation is achieved through stimulation of the g-spot (or urethral sponge located on the upper surface of the vagina). This form of orgasm is a tension orgasm –it involves extreme tensing of the muscles. Often the muscles will spasm, (so you penis may get a major squeeze before being pushed out). For some women squirting is a physiological process which is not directly related to orgasm, but their muscles usually still become very tense. Following this tension is the sensation of release where the muscles relax. This will often mean the vaginal muscles are very relaxed for a period of time.

Sounds sensational except that if you are continuing penetrative sex at this time the muscles of the vagina will be relaxed, and so won’t provide as much sensation on your penis. NO it’s not that you penis is getting smaller! So what to do…

I suggest that you think about the possibility of delaying her ejaculation so that you experience a longer period of penetration. Of course your girlfriend needs to feel she can let loose and not have to control her orgasmic experience, so its about finding some techniques that work for you both to enhance your pleasure as a couple. Experimenting with different positions that don’t put as much pressure and sensation on the g-spot could be helpful. Introducing more stimulation of her clitoris during penetration (with your finger and lube, or a small vibrator), could also take the focus away from her ejaculating. She can really focus on contracting her vaginal muscles during penetration to give you enhanced sensation (this would need to be before she ejaculates as it would be very hard to do after).

A technique called edging may be fun to try together, where you come just about to the point of orgasm, and then cease stimulation…then build it up again and again.

Have you ever used a male masturbator before? I have heard some great feedback recently about couples using a masturbator together. A woman can even hold masturbator between or thighs for you to thrust into or hold it and move it up and down your penis. A masturbator is designed to give you a tight sensation so may be perfect for using after your girlfriend has ejaculated. Using a silicone dildo or vibrator together could be fun too. This would allow you to completely focus on her pleasure, so she can fully let go and not hold back her ejaculation and orgasm. It’s amazing how much you can learn about a woman’s responses from pleasuring her with a sex toy, which you can then translate into penetrative sex together.

It’s a good idea for all women to keep their pelvic floor muscles toned and healthy. Having toned pelvic floor muscles can intensify your orgasm, allow you to give a male partner a squeeze therefore enhancing his sensation. Smartballs are designed for a woman to wear during the day to tone and strengthen her pelvic floor muscles.  They are a health product, rather than a sex toy but the benefit of using them is enhanced sexual pleasure for you and your partner.

Talking about sex with our partners can be tricky. It’s always important to affirm both them and your relationship before you discuss anything that can be taken as a criticism. Both women and men can be sensitive about how we are sexually, and it can be hard to hear from your partner that they’d like to try something new or make some changes. Always stay positive, talk opening and honestly keeping the focus on enhancing your already fantastic sex life.