D.VICE Sex Q & A. Blowing my load too quickly, it is getting me down

Premature Ejaculation affects a lot of men, there are ways to overcome P.E.

Question. 

My problem is that I come too quickly. I thought this was usual when I was a teenager but now I’m in my late twenties and I still have this issue. My partner’s very supportive but it really gets me down. Any Ideas?

D.VICE Sexpert replies

Premature Ejaculation is a really common issue for men, so you’re not alone, it is much more common for younger men. Interestingly  I’ve read a few statistics that actually say because men or young men often masturbate in private, kind of secretly, and do it as fast as they can, that you’re often actually training yourself to ejaculate really really quickly.

I think all young people, women and men, actually need time to explore themselves sexually and particularly parents need to actually be aware of that and give their teenagers some privacy, you could have a sign that says “discovering my own sexuality – do not disturb”! So definitely be aware of that. It is common for a lot of men to come too quickly, there are some techniques and sex gear for delaying orgasm and preventing ejaculation.

Cock rings are very simple to use and an effective way to control climax, I recommend you give one a try this will give you immediate relief and you can work through some other techniques.Also use lube with cock rings and for sex generally as this will reduce friction and help to delay ejaculation.

Practice masturbating or stimulating yourself with your partner and bringing yourself almost to orgasm but not quite and then totally stopping stimulation and then starting again, this is prolonging the build up to orgasm.
Another technique that is really popular and very effective is applying pressure to the perineum, that is the spot between the scrotum, so under your balls, and the anus, sometimes called the gooch.
Now that’s a pleasure spot for men, if you put really firm pressure on that spot, a tantric technique and that does actually put pressure on the tube from the seminal vesicle and prevent ejaculation.

Now you can reach around and do that yourself or you can ask your partner to do it which is really really easy. It can be very very effective, potentially those techniques may cause you to lose your erection and so if that’s the case, you just then need to obviously stimulate to erection again.

Another option is applying pressure to the frenulum, now the frenulum is the underside of the penis just below the head, actually put your thumb across and put really firm pressure there, which can be very effective too.

It is really important to just stay really positive, to have really good communication with your partner and also not to just focus on penetrative sex, because particularly a lot women actually really enjoy clitoral stimulation over and above actual penetrative pleasure, and so if you actually focus on lots of different activities and really broaden your kind of spectrum of sexual activities that you do, I guess that kind of takes the actual pressure off when you are going to orgasm.

You can also masturbating before love making, so if you know that your partners coming over you can jump in the shower and masturbate first so that you’re not in such a heightened state so to speak and definitely using the herbal performance enhancers such as Bona or 4 Men Virility Coffee can be very effective as well.

You can expand your sexual repertoire and incorporate all kinds of sexual techniques  if your partner is willing including introducing a sex toy for penetrative play combined with your penis as well (alternating) this takes the pressure off, you can bring her to orgasm using toys and then another orgasm during intercourse.

I know that for a lot of guys you’re kinda going to have to think quite outside the square because we are led to believe that the only thing that we should be using for penetrative play, particularly in a heterosexual relationship is a guy’s penis, but actually if you put aside that whole kind of idea that you’re being replaced, and think about enhancing sensation for her and you’re taking the pressure off yourself.

I’ve spoken to quite a few guys who’ve said that they had a mental block about using a vibrator with their partner, or using a dildo, but when they actually did it was such a relief, because it meant that they could totally focus on pleasuring their partner with penetration, they could combine oral stimulation at the same time.

She just had an amazing experience, and it meant that he could orgasm whenever he wanted to and there wasn’t actually that pressure to time it with hers. Once the  pressure is off you it can change the whole emotional stress around sex often leading to slower ejaculation times.