I'm keen on anal sex, but my wife finds it uncomfortable - any tips?

Dear D.VICE Advice,

My wife and I have tried anal sex, mainly because I am keen to do it. She liked it to start with but has not been enjoying it the last two times.She has found it uncomfortable and has been pushing me out. What should I do, I love it!

From Anon

Dear Anon

Anal sex can easily turn from pleasure to pain and consent from both partners is essential for a mutually enjoyable experience. Many women find anal penetration easier after an orgasm when they are very aroused and relaxed. Combining oral sex with a finger up the bum or stimulating her clitoris and inserting a small butt plug to begin with as you build up her arousal can be a good warm up to penetration from a larger toy or your penis.

Learning to take receive a penis or larger sex toy anally can be very challenging. It is totally natural for her sphincter muscles to want to push you out. A butt plug would normally have a narrow neck which doesn't not trigger the sphincter to tighten, even i the rest of the toy inserted is a bigger size. The penis doesn't not allow the sphincter to close, stimulating her involuntary muscle response.

You need to take your time and listen to the feedback you get from your wife. If she feels listened to and not pressured, she is much more likely to want to keep trying. Take things at her pace and stop and try different sexual activities if she is unwilling. While it may be very pleasurable for you every time, anal sex for the receiver can be painful and upsetting if they are feel they are not able to stop when it they need to.

It is possible to learn how to master the sphincter muscles with time and practice. Arousal is a big factor for almost all women for pleasurable anal sex, some women are able to orgasm through anal penetration.

Plenty of lubricant is an absolute must and we recommend Lube XXX for anal play as it is long lasting and silky smooth. Apronal is a natural muscle relaxant that is effective in helping the sphincter muscles relax form more comfortable anal penetration. This combined with good arousal techniques and taking your time, could be helpful in working towards an enjoyable experience for you both.

If you are going to give it we recommend that you try anal penetration yourself. This will help you to understand the challenges your wife is facing and help you with your patience and technique. The prostate can be stimulated through the wall of the penis unlocking a whole new world of sexual pleasure for you!

The Expert Guide to Anal Sex DVD and the Advanced Anal version are both very good 'how to' step by step guides featuring a real sex educator with a couples having real anal sex. These are informative and sexy!